Ok,
so as we get older, I have noticed that in some groups, i see ' i asked the wife for permission to buy 'x' '
Now, since its mostly men who posts on forums, i assume this goes both ways, so I'll leave that where it may lie.
However, why the FUCK does anybody over a certain age need to 'ask permission'
I mean, IF these criteria are met:
1: not having to borrow the money from significant other
2: household bills are paid
3: able to pay for said item without issue
then why the hell is anybody asking permission? just do it. Now, ive been married, and while that did end after 12 years, this was never an issue, either way. I have had this be an issue about 22? years ago with a GF i had, and, well, you can imagine how that went. :o
but for those that ask permission, please, can you explain this one to me. or the 'significant other only lets me have 2 bikes' scenario, or ' i have to hide these parts from the spouse'
My viewpoint is, if oyu are a responsible adult, pay your bills, and you are with somebody that actually respects you, you definitely should tell them out of courtesy, but if they just say 'no', then that's seems to be just a weird control thing and a big sign of an unhealthy situation. Or you need to get your shit together.
I'll -never- be in that boat again, once was enough. And, that GS550 lasted longer than the GF did. :dawg:
rant off. :tellit:
Not really a "permission" thing, but the wife and I have an agreement that any purchase (for either of us) over a certain amount of money (couple of hundred bucks) needs to be discussed. Mainly so that no big purchase hits the checking account without the others knowledge. To avoid overdrafts, etc.
Otherwise, it's all good. I buy what I want, she buys what she wants.
You have to remember that not everyone is responsible and does the right thing no matter what age you are. There are many out there that don't understand that they shouldn't be getting the large Dunkin Donut latte everyday when they don't have money for the electric bill. Same goes with other toys, they see $1500 in the checking account and think they can buy something but don't think ahead that the car insurance has to be paid the next month or the money should be spent on a new dishwasher that has been broke for a year.
This is hard to understand and mind boggling for those who don't operate this way. In fact you will probably never be able to wrap your mind around it because you aren't programmed that way.
I would like to think in some of these instances that the wife has a level head on her shoulders and is the voice of reason. This can be with the money aspect or being practical. Example would be if another bike comes home it would mean she looses her parking spot in the garage and she puts her foot down. If the tables were turned I don't blame her for that.
In others it is just a control issue. It works for guys and girls the same.
there are absolutely situations where i have seen this go down first hand, both directions. the responsibility thing was covered here: 1: not having to borrow the money from significant other
2: household bills are paid
3: able to pay for said item without issue
Quote from: m in sc on July 07, 2019, 03:40:33 PM
1: not having to borrow the money from significant other
I should've mentioned, the wife and I have a joint checking account. Hence the "heads up" when one of us makes a big purchase.
As for me, I don't really ask, I mention about upcoming big purchases. But it's more of a courtesy formality, so she won't feel blindsided by my new acquisitions.
For the past few years, I've been the sole provider. We have no bills- all balances are zero- just the mortgage and utilities. We're both reasonable about buying things. I let her buy what she wants and she does the same for me. But she's my partner and I respect her. She's also my voice of reason. Sometimes discussing stuff gives me a chance to weigh my options, although it has rarely ever swayed my path.
I wear the pants in my family - she picks them out :dawg:
This year is our 56th wedding anniversary. When we started out we were definetley living paycheck to paycheck. We discussed everything we bought, sometimes even groceries. (Try living in Washington, DC on a buck sergeant's pay.) After that as our financial situation improved things loosened up. We tried two bank accounts but that was too much trouble so while she keeps up with the credit card bill and bank statements all I have to do is remember to give her the credit and debit receipts. She never gives me any grief unless I neglect to give her a receipt; fortunately she occasionally loses one that I have given her so it goes both ways. I will say I have bought a bunch of bikes and expensive parts and never thought about checking with her. Did the same thing when I sold them. She has done some of the same sort things. I think it is a matter of trust.
Lyn Garland
It's always nice to have someone else buy in on a mission. And it's good to have someone to drive you to the hospital... She says: "I'm not getting on that thing". "...And since it only has a single seat I know that nobody else is either". That's permission.
We would only be half as interesting if we didn't occasionally do something rash. Most women I've met are fascinated by the "boys and their toys" phenomenon. At least enough not to complain too bitterly as long as the bills are paid, the kids have clothes, and nothing gets burned up. Just don't ever wreck her car.
IR8D8R
When I was building my TZ replica it took me 4 years of buying, selling, collecting, and building parts, multiple mock-ups in different parts of the garage, etc., etc. My wife knew I was working on something, saw the bike in various stages, saw parts coming home, etc. and never questioned what I was doing, she was even with me when I picked up the original parts bike that I was going to use but eventually didn't use. Then one weekend she wanted to take may daughters to CA for a long weekend, so while she was gone I had plenty of time on my hands and basically got the bike built the first time, when they got home she says "where'd that come from"? Of course I told her, she proceeded to roll her eyes mumbling something while she walked away. She typically doesn't question what I bring home unless it was something obviously new or almost new and in that case I wouldn't blame her for questioning it.
Before we had a master's degree, a kid and two mortgages, I didn't ask permission for shit.
Some people's brains haven't progressed since childhood and need a mommy/daddy to do everything for them and make every important decision. I know middle aged people that cant cook for themselves or even do their own laundry .... let alone manage money. It's like hanging out with a teenager..
Then there's others that just get such a rash of shit from their significant other that it's just easier to ask then to get their head bitten off by the queen B ...
I'm with you Mark, if your priorities are straight and your not in debt, buy whatever you need to be happy. We all have a hobby or interest that defines us and that should be supported by your life partner and we need to support theirs too.
If your significant other doesn't understand that or requires being the boss of your life , or demands to be pleased at the expense of your happiness, then they're not really significant are they ?
It really depends on people's personalities. There are those of us that are extremely independant and that is what we look for in a woman. So there is no problem, as each does their own thing. Then there are others, that are more codependent in nature, and prefer to be part of a "couple", so decisions are shared. Then there are the circumstances with families and such where (as stated) where money is tight so there has to be agreement where it should be spent. One thing I never got, was the combined bank accounts. You have your "bill" pot, and then your own money. I know it doesn't seem fair if one person is working, and the other has to "ask" for money, that's where the "we are in this together" crap comes from :dawg: But, to each his own, if your way has worked forever, then use it. :metal:
I need to ask permission only when I don't want what ever it is that's being sold and I want an easy way out. 99% of all salesmen will stop the hard sell if you have to ask your wife for permission. I never really need to ask permission, she has her money I have mine the same goes for bills, its worked great for 28 years. Always keep the money separate, I learned that the hard way with my first wife. Of course in hind sight it was worth it to get rid of her, I just didn't realize it a the time.
what if this is what you brought this home?
https://newyork.craigslist.org/fct/mcy/d/wallingford-1970-kawasaki-h1-500-for/6913190157.html
if it was me I'd leave you for sure.
i brought home worse. Hell, the 1st road trip angie and i took together was to get my t500 in fla. and it technically was worse. :cheerleader: